I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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