Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
