if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
