mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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