i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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