did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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