he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
