i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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