Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
