i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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