two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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