You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
party gras won. party gras always wins.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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