he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
