just tell him i said nine months
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
