haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
