I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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