Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Randomize
