worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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