Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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