I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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