am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
