OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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