please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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