Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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