This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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