Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
