if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
