Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
