All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
