i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
