Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
