i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
