Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
