If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize