**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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