I skipped work to stalk him.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
