you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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