well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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