Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
