i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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