Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
