I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
