i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
