you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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