Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
