Just fell off a train. Bad.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
