Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
