The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
