Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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