I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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