Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
