I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
