I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize