Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
