belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
