apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
