She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
