he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
