Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You dont lie about slip and slides
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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