Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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