I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
