Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
