there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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