i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
