New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
