It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
