Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
