Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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