She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
